Who I am

Here in the 2am darkness I remembered who I am. While persons and circumstance tried to have me forget, I remember.

I am the girl born to 3rd generation immigrant parents, the first in my family to finish a four year degree

I started university when I was 17

I am the one who went out of state when everyone said we couldn't afford it, I got scholarships and I stayed on the dean's list making a 3.8 GPA in my economics major, economics people!

I am the girl who survived devastating breakups, not the least of which my parents marriage

I started my first full time job 3 days after graduating

I am the girl who landed an analyst role at one of the 10 largest banks in the world even though I was not an alumni of their target schools less than 6 months after graduating

The same girl who went on to be the shining star of that 2007 analyst class

The one who beat 2 addictions by the age of 22

I am one who kept her job through the crisis despite being one of the last hired

I am the girl who moved to that new place knowing no one, when people said she must have a boyfriend there she can't go alone....

The girl that turned that once unknown city into so many deep, and meaningful friendships that continue despite a vast distance between us

I am the one that held two committee posts and still got my 9-5 work done before my team members

I am the one who at one point had two jobs and two graduate classes to attend to

I am the girl who followed her spirit when it said go to a former war zone and help, and do it in a foreign language

I am the girl who put herself in harms way more times than I can count only to be restored each time by God

I am the one who went to live in the poorest places, when people asked why would you want to do that....

I am the women who now has 2 little girls and not much else but I will never forget who I am.

Christians v.

Somewhere along the way we went wildly off track. We nearly lost an entire generation because of a few words. Somehow the message went from "I strive to be" to "I am" and that landed us in a world of trouble. A world of hypocrisy, of terror, of apathy, a world of hate slowly pushing out all love.

No one knows when it happened or who did it. The devil had his hand in I'm sure but we allowed it.

When I came back to my Christian faith in 2011 after a decade long hiatus I resigned myself to being labeled all sorts of things again, not least of which was hypocrite. A word that cuts deep, and to someone like me who prides herself on being a genuine person it's an even harder pill to swallow, hence the hiatus.

I didn't understand it though, it seemed like everyone Christians and atheists alike accepted that Christian was synonymous with hypocrite.  It didn't make sense to me and now I know why. we mixed up 6 little words.

When we study the Bible we learn the 10 commandments and the fruits of the spirit and those of evil(sins). We also learn that we are imperfect and can never achieve perfection, ergo we cannot always bear the fruits of good, at times we are going to sin. So then why would anyone ever go around saying I am waiting until marriage, I am honest, I am self-controlled, I am forgiving, I am humble, I am always joyful. When we have already been told we cannot be all of these things at all times. It seems to me that if we all, Bible believers and everyone else, replaced "I am" with "I strive to be"we can remove the label of hypocrite from our churches.

I don't know a single person who can say they have never lost control of themselves or have never told even a white lie, or hasn't held onto bitterness from something in the past. If you claim to be that person well I believe the saint badges get handed out in heaven so no sense in talking like that while you're here on earth unless you're fond of the word hypocrite.

For myself I strive to be everything Jesus was, and God knows I'm going to fall very, very short very much of the time so please my Christian brethren and everyone who has to deal with me I beg your pardon when I do not live up to what I strive to be.

I strive to be loving, joyful, peaceful, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.